“Say, you’re not like…black-black…you know?”
She makes this awkward statement,
Unaware of how much of my patience
she’s already testing.
Now, every time someone hits me with this,
they always seem to miss
the social cues such as 1) me shifting ever so uncomfortably in my seat,
2) me shuffling my feet,
3), 4), 5),
I clinch my fists, squint my eyes,
and try with all my might to count to five
before I end up slapping her upside
“What do you mean?” I ask.
Knowing damn well that they’re expecting me to wear the very mask
they’ve grown up seeing in the off-chance that their televisions
show a hint of color in between their 24-hour transmissions
full of people who resemble 50 shades of snow.
“Well, I mean…you’re not like…a nigger, because you don’t rap.”
There it is, the slap
in the face I was waiting for.
This, is when I have to choose which door
to enter. Do I explain the technicality
that most people believe it’s two different words and, in reality,
none of them are restricted to rappin’?
Should I go on a tirade
to explain it was the actions
of European trade transactions
and people, with rappers, aim to change the negativity
into an endearing, uplifting term crammed into our frequencies?
The problem is, I would likely scare her away.
That’s despite my calm demeanor and trying my best not to say
she’s ignorant more than…hmm five times,
she, like everyone so far, would turn dumb, deaf, and blind,
and will just tell her friends about that angry nigger
she was on a date with.
“But they always laugh on TV, go figure
I find the one that’s so stiff
(and not in the good way, if you catch my drift).”
You see, these are constant scenarios
I’ve had to deal with, battling multiple types of stereos
stating that there are rules I must abide by
but oddly I am never on the right side
of that thin line.
I thought about walking out.
I wanted to leave, providing absolutely no doubt
that what she said was incredibly stupid
and I’ll feel like I stood strong
after humoring her for so long
but…do you wanna what the honest truth is?
My luck with women hasn’t been so great
and, well, she is pretty so…maybe this isn’t THAT bad of a date?